Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 7yo said she hurt herself, and when my 9yo asked her to describe the pain, she just yelled, "AAAAAAAHHHHH" 😭💀
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 25, 2024
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My 6 year old just got back from visiting our elderly neighbor and said, “I told her we’d bring her some fresh baked cookies when they’re ready.” I informed her that we weren’t baking any cookies today and she said, “Oh, I guess we kinda have to now, don’t we?” Diabolical.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 21, 2024
When your 8 year old gets in trouble at school for spelling curse words with scrabble tiles in school, it’s not appropriate to say “well, that’s f*cking hilarious.” I know this now.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 24, 2024
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Asked my kid how he wanted me to cut his sandwich, and he said he didn't care, but Reader, it was a trap
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 24, 2024
What position is it in soccer where my kid tries to find a four leaf clover?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 20, 2024
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— Hollie Harris (@allholls) April 25, 2024Lately, my 6yo has been putting on a movie, laying down on the couch, and falling asleep a few minutes into the movie.
He's already nailed being middle aged.
My kid said she can’t wait till she’s an adult and can eat chips for dinner, and I’m just happy she has some goals.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) April 26, 2024
we were walking around our neighborhood and a car came down the street a little too fast and my 3 yr old said, “watch it, man” and i know i can’t be too proud bc she’s just mirroring my anger at cars but i was a little
— amil (@amil) April 25, 2024
Being a mom is humbling bc you get to see all the dopey mannerisms you didn’t know you had copied by someone who’s like 2.5 feet tall
— Kelly (@throeingit) April 25, 2024
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) April 25, 2024My baby in the high chair: Get thee hence, mother. This bottle of filtered water from the ewer of Brita displeaseth me. Take it from my presence!
My baby in the bathtub: Ah, sweet nectar of the gods, tap water steeped in soapy buttock, cupped in a broken plastic Easter egg! 😚🤌
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Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 25, 2024
Very obsessed with how my 1.5 year old babbles nonsense while turning the pages of her board books, but when she comes to the last page and closes the book she states a very decisive AMEN
— eli 🕯✨ (@nienna121) April 25, 2024
What doesn't kill you wakes you up at 5 am asking for cereal and Bluey
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 24, 2024
Nothing says due diligence like checking your kid for a fever with all 26 thermometers you own.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 24, 2024
My 5yo was bragging to his brother about how he does the highest flips on the trampoline. I’m not sure where he gets his need to be better than other people, but he’s mistaken because I’m the highest flipper.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) April 25, 2024
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— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 25, 2024me: hey! you were supposed to be grounded!
7: yeah well you forgot that’s not my fault
me: damn you’re right
7: you can’t swear!!
me: um…let’s just call it even
My daughter is mad at me and just informed me that when she dies her last words will be “my mom is a loser”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 25, 2024
Nothing prepares you for that first time your 7yo asks for a Stanley cup for her birthday.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 20, 2024
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 25, 2024Me: Don’t you get sick of playing the same video game for hours on end?
Son: No.
Me: *hasn’t looked up from Twitter feed in 12 years* that’s so weird.
Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 22, 2024
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Area dads want to tell you about the great idea they have for an app.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 25, 2024
My 7yo kept asking me to join her server in Roblox. When I finally did, she told me she was going to set me up in a house across town from hers and that we wouldn’t be visiting each other much. When I asked her why, she said “I just want to do my own thing.”
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 25, 2024
— Benny, the Dirty Mocha (@GotJbenny) April 26, 2024
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 22, 2024My son has a hard time waking up in the morning so he downloaded an obnoxious sounding alarm on his phone to ensure he wouldn’t oversleep.
So far the only people awake from it this morning are me, my husband & our neighbors.
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