The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (2024)

My 8 year old asked if I’d seen his water bottle and I said it was next to the couch. He started to walk off then paused and asked, “the couch for sitting or the couch for laundry?” and the accuracy of the question stung a little.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 29, 2024

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An underrated parenting hack is that kids love branding. My 3yo won't drink milk when I offer it except when I say "here's your cold, fresh milk"

— sarah (@sarahradz_) April 29, 2024

I took my 6yo to softball practice and then realized it was canceled. My 6yo smiled at me, "Well, look at that, we yelled at each other for nothing."

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 30, 2024

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My daughter just burped loud as hell in Olive Garden and I’m like WOW have some decorum and she’s like “that word doesn’t effect me cause I don’t know what it means”

Okay.

— MOMMA $PICE (@ItsMrsPlugg) April 27, 2024

Moms in TV ads are almost always wearing this exact outfit and yet I’ve never seen a human woman wear this outfit in real life. pic.twitter.com/1f0sbcSBDe

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 28, 2024

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My 8-year-old got his expander and braces taken off and he’s supposed to wear a retainer at night. He lost the retainer by Day 3, and I told him to find it because I’d rather not pay for another one. He looked startled and said “We PAY for this stuff??”

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 28, 2024

My 10 y/o son has a lot of friends who show up on our doorstep but by far my most fave lil dude has got to be the one who always appears holdin a fistful of ham

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) April 30, 2024

My daughter asked me if the tooth fairy would only give money for *her* teeth and I’m a little concerned

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 2, 2024

In case you ever wanted to feel better about your housekeeping skills: my son just walked in and asked why I was making it smell like his birthday party. All I had done was mopped. Also, his birthday is in July.

— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) April 28, 2024

I’m gonna say no to everything today.

— my 5yo really setting the tone for the day

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) April 28, 2024

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Parenting experts never warn you that one day you'll offer to let your son borrow one of your ties to match the suit he's wearing for prom and he'll respond by asking you if you have anything that's not from the 1900s

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 29, 2024

My husband works from home and our toddler knocks on his office door prob 100 times a day to ask if she can see pictures of raccoons on his computer. He‘s never acted annoyed. It makes me cry lmfao

— Tiger Lily (@mypillowgorl) May 1, 2024

I asked my 6yo if she wants to skip school on her birthday and she's having a hard time deciding because she doesn't want to miss out on the birthday sticker they get from their teacher.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 29, 2024

Explained to a 7 yo that our tv shows were only run at a specific time and if you missed it, you just missed it. After processing this horror she asked “but you could find it on your iPad?” What followed was the millennial version of “in my day I walked miles barefoot to school”

— Jax ⚡️Philosopher Queen (@Diamond_Jax) May 1, 2024

When I was a kid, I used to wonder why my granddad would just sit in his favorite chair and not do anything but stare in space but now I totally get it

— Trey (@treydayway) May 2, 2024

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One-year-olds do not care about your carefully arranged baby activities or the toys designed by professionals. One-year-olds wish to fling wide the portals of the kitchen cabinetry and make it a temple to Chaos. The children yearn for the rummage

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) April 28, 2024

When did grocery shopping become something fun to do on a weekend, what have I become

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 28, 2024